what can i do?? it's like takling to a child!?
kay let me start by saying,
back in October of last year, i was 3 months pregnant, and my hubby and myself, living in a small apt. next to my mom-in-law (ugh), i saw a baby furniture set in target for 0 on sale, i fell in love with it, so my mom-in-law said, she could use her target card for it while it’s on sale, and we’ll pay her back when we get paid. i agreed (when all hell broke loose).
we made arrangements to pay her until the 0 was paid off.. She had us paying this damn thing off for a YEAR!!!!!
We gave her every paycheck, 0 a month! for a year!! that’s 00!!!! GONE!!! on this bill!!! we kept track, telling her each week, "it’s paid off!", she cried, saying "they think i’m stealing their money!! they can’t even pay their bill!!"
so to shut her up, my hubby kept giving her money. then this past October, we said enough, it’s been a year, it’s paid in full and wayyyyy over! We asked to see the bill, she wouldn’t show it, but said we don’t have to pay anymore (you think).
anytime you bring it up, she cries, saying it’s still not paid off.
she acts like a big child! my hubby and i just moved into our duplex and my mom-in-law complained that we don’t have a couch, or a dresser.
we told her, that we want to progress and build up that not everything happens at once. we both work and will eventually get that couch and all but later on when we’re settled with more money saved, and it’ll be good.
she cried and complained saying that she wasnt having us living without this stuff, so she shows up at our house with her brother and she bought us a couch, loveseat, dresser, and some new pillows.
first we said we couldn’t except them, she cried, saying she was trying to help, "my kids don’t love me…waaaa, they dont want to take a gift from his own mommy, i took care of him for 23 years and he stabs me in the back! waaaaahh"
(yeah its annoying). so we excepted, and NOW a week later, she’s making payment plans for US to pay her back!!???
we said, ‘we didn’t even want these things, we don’t have money!"
she replies with, ‘my kids are so selfish, they just take from me and don’t pay me back! i’m there for my kids and they can’t help me!"
she cried, whines, throws temper fits, you name it, like a 4 year old.
what do we do? we can’t go taking her to court because no matter what we’re the ones looked down upon since he’s her son.
now my hubby’s older, spoiled brother just got his new place with his girlfriend and she’s just giving them things without payment, nothing, and they were living with her, not paying her any rent or anything!
what can we do? we can’t keep paying her off all the time for nothing! can’t go to the cops, can’t do anything, we have a baby we’re just getting by, the last bit of our money we put into the baby’s savings fund. =(
i’m sorry i wrote so much
Tagged with: 23 years • baby furniture • brother • couch • damn thing • duplex • hell • hubby • kay • love • mom • mommy • money • paycheck • pillows • target card
Filed under: Baby Furniture Set
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Your MIL is mentally off. Or is VERY manipulative. Probably a little of both
My Mom was for years. (now passed away)
I’m the youngest child – a baby boy. And on my wedding day, as we were waiting for the ceremony to start – my Mom came up and told me: (1) she was not giving me up, (2) she was only letting my fiancee use me, (3) never forget that I would regret leaving her. And I had been away from home for over 12 year after graduating from college. I was 32 at the time.
Your MIL uses crying as a method of getting her way.
You do not mention anything about her husband. Makes me wonder if he is gone (dead, divorced) and she is alone – no friends – except for her kids. So she uses the money / gifts / repayment – as a means of keeping her kids under her control. She is afraid of losing her kids (as in to other women – daughter-in-laws).
I eventually bought a house and moved my parents into it. And I took care of their needs and wants for the last 20 years of their life. As they became sicker / weaker, it was almost a full-time jobs taking care of them. But I managed to do that, keep my job, and have a family with a wife who had 2 teenage kids when we got married. My sister? She moved out of town and focused on her kids. Came to visit our parents once every 4 months – for 2 days. I paid a lot of my parents bills. My sister? Sent a small amount of money at Christmas and birthdays.
Now that you’ve vented (you needed to) you’ll feel a little better.
Suggest you take a 2 path approach – if the MIL is alone (no husband) then try (and I know how hard this will be) to get her involved in some type of church group /organizationcivic organzation so she has her own friends, etc. to spend time – focus on.
At the same time (and again, I know its easier said than done) just tell her that at the ages you and your husband are at – and how tight money is – you want to control how you do things., And refuse any gifts / loans. When she complains & starts crying, tell her that (her behavior – the crying & complaining) is why you do not want to do it. That you have seen how upset she becomes. AND THEN, NO MATTER WHAT – DON’T TAKE ANYTHING. She will increase her volume and crying – but you just need to stay calm and repeat exactly what you said the 1st time. She’ll get louder – and you’ll just repeat what you said the 1st time. Eventually, she’ll realize her tricks are not working and will shut up. Let her go bug your brother-in-law.
One way of thinking about your MIL, is to think of a baby that is 2 years old. Those famous "terrible 2". When a child is a cry baby EVERY TIME it does not get its way. How do you break a child from doing this? So far, the MIL has learned – just like the baby – that crying and misbehaving is tolerated – and it gets her – whatever she wants. You’ll need the same understanding and patience as you deal with the MIL.
let her cry. If she wants payment for the furniture that you didnt want then rent a van, take it right back to her house and leave it there. She has you guys quivering over her and you shouldnt. You are adults with a child. Stand up to her. Dont worry about what people think. Worry about the wellbeing of your child, and your marriage.
You said you can’t go to court. She has nothing in writing. STOP PAYING HER.
These situations are tough because. You need to examine. No one can give you a really good answer, some may say yes, some may say no, but I have seen both sides of this coin.
I thought you would have learned the lesson the first time – it was like my mother. She is never happy unless she is complaining about something. But this time the fault is yours – you fell right into her self-pity routine.
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let her into your life- always keep her at an arm’s distance. If you do not listen to my advice, she is going to ruin your marriage. It will end in divorce and she’ll go around telling anyone who will listen how she was taken for everything and how SHE is the victim.
The first time you can chalk up to inexperience, the second time you two have to admit to yourselves you were stupid to fall for her manipulation. If you let it happen again, you get what you deserve. Don’t feel sorry for her, she does enough of that for herself.
Oh my god. You are in a deep doodoo pit. I reccomend telling her to stop ‘GIVING’ you things that you can’t buy! That’s like her forcing you to buy something. Im pretty sure that illegal. U should go up to her next time she demands a payment and say: "We are not going to pay, just like we are NOT going to buy all this stuff you ‘gave’ us!" Then give all the stuff she ‘gave’ you back, and get on with ur life and ur new kid (congrats btw). if she throws a fit, just ignore her! she cant force you to give her money. watever u do, hold ur ground. old ladies thirsting for money can be deadly LOL JK
You poor thing … I think your hubby needs to stand up to his mother or write her a letter asking for some space for a bit, telling her how you feel. Im sorry im probly not much help but I wanted to say "Hang in there"